Communication Skills for Kids

After a long morning of 5 daughters arguing and whining about various things, no one has finished today’s math lessons, several lengthy contractions that are to be expected in the 9th month of pregnancy, running out of toilet paper (before I found the spare roll) and a headache that just kept trying to develop behind my eyes- I am at my wit’s end. M1 comes to me- after spending nearly 20 minutes doodling in her math book- while I am making lunch.

I am standing in front of the stove, stirring the instant mashed potatoes. On another burner, a pan of hot dogs is boiling. Adjacent to the stove are 6 plates, each with a hot dog bun waiting to be filled. Some have Ketchup, some have mustard, some have both- HOW I manage to know whose is whose is sacred knowledge.

I notice her standing there and ask “Are you done?” In my opinion, not a rude question at all, since 20 minutes ago she only had 4 problems left.

She freaks out screaming at me. “Of course I’m not done; you always ask me that. If I was done, I’d be handing you my book to check it,God I can’t even go in the kitchen now, I haven’t even had lunch yet…..bla…bla….bla” And throws herself, crying, into her room.

A minute later.

I’m removing the hot dogs from the pan, placing each one into the appropriate bun and then adding a scoop of potatoes and a spoon for some, a fork for others. Again, sacred knowledge. While there may appear to be no rhyme or reason to who gets a fork and who gets a spoon: I know it is vital. A plate with two rows of ketchup and no mustard will not have a fork for potatoes. Two of the ketchup and mustard plates require spoons while one definitely gets a fork. Trust me, this is divine knowledge.

She enters the room, fresh faced and trembling. “Mom” She says, as if there’s anyone else to address (everyone else is still doodling in their Math books) “I just wanted to say that I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I’m really hungry because I didn’t finish my Dinner last night and I have a hard time paying attention when I am hungry and…………”

“STOP.” I yell, “Quit whining. I am making lunch, sit down…”

Once again, she storms out of the room and flops on the bed, dramatically, very very dramatic.

I call all the other kids for lunch, we’re sitting eating peacefully. Oldest daughter actually HAS finished her Math (she’s so good, she always finishes first.) 6 yr old hasn’t touched hers, or doodled in the pages, but she’s been reading to 2 yr old and 4 yr old all morning, so I haven’t really nagged at her about it. When I have time to sit down with her (without contracting or peeing) She usually works faster.

All is well. Lunch is peaceful. No one notices their perfect combination of condiments and utensils. That’s OK- it’s not about being noticed; it’s about peace.

M1 returns.

“GREAT- so I am starving and you’re all sitting around eating, like pigs. All I was asking for was a glass of milk, mom, you never listen………………….”

She really did go on speaking for a very long time, but I didn’t hear any of it, except “ALL I was asking for was a glass of milk.”

When her speech ended, and her tummy was full of hot dog and potatoes (even though it was all cold, she managed to eat it like a trooper, brave girl) She spent about 15 minutes sharpening her pencil and finding her page in her Math book, she sat on the couch with G1 and I, and everyone got their Math finished. For the record, 6 yr old finished before crazy 10 yr old.

All day long, though, my mind kept replaying the interaction. When in the world is it acceptable to walk into a room where someone is making you lunch and whine about being hungry? Um- Like- NEVER.

Wouldn’t you see them cooking and cheerfully say “Oh good, Thanks for making lunch, I’m starving. Make sure I get ketchup and mustard and a fork. Wait, is there gravy?” Because I had gravy ready, just in case someone asked.

At what point did she plan on mentioning the milk?

Was it her plan to walk into the room, whine about being hungry and then, after a thorough explanation, ask for milk? She tends to babble, does she think all that background information was necessary in order to convince me that she really wanted, or needed, the milk?

Or was the milk a cover-up? A plan hatched when I told her to quit whining?

Wouldn’t this fall under the category of basic communication? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that kids have serious communication issues. In fact, I’m thinking communication skills are so very important that they could be the basis for an entire curriculum, much like Critical Thinking, Science, and Language skills are taught. I flashed back to a hundred different interactions I’ve had with my kids. (But nevermind them, they’re unsocialized homeschoolers.) I flashed back also to hundreds of interactions I’ve had with other people’s kids, and stories I’ve heard from a hundred different parents.

Kids are some darned crazy creatures.

I’m thinking of making a funny video to teach kids about communication skills. I will do this in my spare time, of course. The above interaction (minus my background information of a trying morning) would look hilarious in cartoon. I’m taking notes now, This KidsComm101 video is now officially in my big 3-ring notebook of “Things I am taking notes on.” Just remember, you heard it here first.

And if you’re the optimistic, quick-cartoon-video-making type who wants to steal my video idea, please let me just be the first to buy one. And make her hair wild and crazy when she’s yelling, and smooth when she’s calm. And don’t forget my belly either. I waddle, a lot.