My 9-5 job

9am
3 asleep, 3 awake.
made coffee
made oatmeal (steel-cut, 1 1/2 c oats, 6c water. 1/4 c sugar, 1t vanilla)
served 3 bowls of oatmeal, with 6-10 chocolate chips on top. They tell me I rock
put diapers in the dryer
7 yr old gets baby dressed without changing baby’s diaper, last night’s diaper leaks within minutes.
Other stuff happened, too but I haven’t finished my coffee yet and this is just too much communication. And no, I’m not making pancakes- I made oatmeal.

10am-5 awake 1 asleep
company’s here
I’m working
4 playing outside
1 talking to me about- wants to download the “free credit report.com” song
Other stuff happened, too but I haven’t finished my coffee and I still have a load of laundry to switch over and you better finish those pancakes.

11am
5 awake, 1 pretending to be asleep
3 said they weren’t filling up the swimming pool on the roof
3 lied
2 hard-of-hearing neighbors don’t hear me saying things like

“What is wrong with you?”

“What part of ‘no pool on the roof’ don’t you understand?”

and “I’m so sick of working to buy stuff you ruin” and

“What the heck (OK- I really said hell- sue me) is the SOY SAUCE doing on the roof? And the Ranch dressing? Why do you think it’s OK to waste food like this?”

and then

“NO- we’re not filling up the pool again, I still have to walk back and forth 50 more times with this stupid bucket dumping it into the lawn.”

2 hard-of-hearing neighbors didn’t hear my 7 yr old saying

“I want to play in the water”

and

“why can’t we swim on the roof?”

and they also didn’t hear me barking at her to clean up the front porch and all the toys in the yard.

In her defense, when I said

“crying will not get you what you want, but cleaning might.”

She proceeded instantly to play my game and hustle around cleaning things up.

The neighbors didn’t hear, not that they would have minded because in their day yelling & spanking and pretending you don’t hear the neighbors were just facts of life. Their nurse/ caretaker heard, though, and smiled. I like her.

12noon
company left
brought back her 4 kids and some KFC
they all want to swim
ate KFC- not enough plates, used cake pans and tupperware rubbermaid lids
F.R.E.E. that spells free…. has played like ten times now. My posse’s gettin’ laughed at
Told two oldest girls to load the dishwasher
Other stuff happened, too but I have to make sure there are no chicken bones lying around waiting for the dog to eat.

1pm
put baby to sleep
got bit several times
didn’t throw the baby
didn’t shout at her about it or put her down to cry herself to sleep for violating the no piranha rule
fed her oatmeal to distract her and tried again
put up with her biting business because we had company and I already looked like a crazy bitchy mom for snapping at my kids all day
Other stuff happened, too. Honestly- you wouldn’t believe it.

2pm
5 yr olds in a fight
M2 pushed a swing into her friend’s head.
I told her to apologize- she did- friend ignored her and she pushed on

“do you want me to bring you ice?”

Then she runs in to get an icepack- doesn’t find one and offers this bit of wisdom.

“If you make a heart with your fingers and rub it in it will spread love around and make it feel better.”

They walk away holding hands.
Baby is still asleep
Lots of other stuff happens, too but you wouldn’t believe it, and I don’t even remember it. This is why I blog.

3pm
7 yr old runs in like a hurricane shouting

“Knock knock,”

I say (of course)

“Who’s there?”

and she says

“An interrupting cow.”

—-

“An interrupting cow, who?”

———— and then she shouts

“MOOOOOO”

and runs away
lots of other stuff happens, too. Do I really need to relive it all?

4pm

“mommy, G1 sat on K’s ear”

“Go get her an icepack”

We both know she can’t find an icepack.
7 yr old runs in I say

“Wait, K. Knock Knock”

she smiles, she’s beautiful.

“Who’s there?”

“An interrupting mommy.”

“An interrupting mommy, who?”

“NO NO NO NO NO”

she laughs and runs away.
The site I’m working for is down for maintenance for the next 2 hours
Baby is awake- that was a very long nap.

5pm
feeding baby oatmeal. My friend has never seen Yo, Gabba Gabba. It’s a children’s television show that uses hip hop music tunes and freaky monster-characters to teach kids supposedly good things. I love the “party in my tummy” song and I tend to sing the chorus whenever I feed the baby real food. I have a dance for it, too. I had never really heard all the words now and I’m really concerned for the kids who watch the show unattended. Anxiety over the emotional lives of carrots might be an unnecessary stressor; you be the judge…

Baby sent some KFC napkins to the party in her tummy.
Would you believe, that other things went on during this hour, too. I am sure you’d be amused to know about treehouse incidents, climbing through windows, running out of toilet paper, more fighting friends, and how many times I had to hear the credit report.com song. But I”ll spare you. I’m off at 5.

Lotsa crazy crud going down at the Hannigan house. Don’t miss another post,

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